Divorce is hard

This week we talked about divorce. This is a very sensitive subject for me because my parents got divorced when I was young. I grew up with my mother working really hard to provide for my 8 siblings and i. My Father helped out every once in a while, and we were able to see him every other week. But he was never really involved in my life.

I don't think very many people realize what a difference it makes to have a father in the home. When I would go to my friends home I would see their family unit and how it functioned. A lot of them didn't appreciate their father because of the athoritative role he played,  but the thing they didn't realize is that  that is good for them.

Studies have show that children the grow up without a father are more likely to rebel or get into sexual trouble when they are in their teens. In my class they said that children have a harder time forming emotional attachments and it's easier for them to freely give physical attchment.

Those are just a couple things, there is also the stress that comes with financial and housing problems.

When people get divorced, it affects more than just the husband and wife, it effects your whole family. So appreciate what you have if your parents are still married. If they are divorced, understand that everything will be ok, life progresses and you can overcome any challenges.

Needs of Children

I think it is very interesting how physical contact can affect people. When you are a child having contact with parents is really essential. There was a example given of a hospital with two nursery's with babies. These two different nursery's had two very different results. In one wing, the majority of the Babies would stay healthy and be able to home with their mothers. In the other wing, most of the babies would get very sick, and even not live. The doctors could figure out why there was such a difference between these two nursery's. They tired everything they could think to change the situation, they rotated the doctors, nurses, even the janitors. Nothing made a difference.

Then one night a doctor went into the nursery with the more healthy babies, and he saw and elderly woman cleaning there. She would clean for a little bit, and then she would pick up one of the babies and hold it and talk to them. Then she would clean for a little bit, and repeat the process with another baby.  After seeing that, the doctor changed that woman's shift so she was working in the other nursery.

There was a significant change in the health of the babies. The babies in the nursery she was moved got more healthy, and the one she was moved from got worse.

Do you think this woman was magical? Or was it because of the physical contact she was giving the children?

Babies and children are affected more by physical touch than we all realize. Those babies were more immune to sicknesses just because they were given that small contact. It can also affect the way they behave and act toward others.

If you are a parent, hold your children and show them that you love them. It could improve with health and their behavior.

Fathers

Fatherhood is really important. without the father in the home there can be such a difference in how the children are raised. I am not saying that single mothers arent capable of raising good kids, I grew up with a single Mother and I think my siblings and i turned out great. But if i would have had a Father in the home, there would have been a lot more stability in our family.

coming from a girl that grew up without a Dad, having a Dad is really important. You kinda dont realize how much they do for you until you don't have one anymore. I would always see my friends Dads and all they do, and my friends would even complain about how protective their Dads are. But they are that way to keep you safe.

There was an article that we read for class that said

"Men are a bit more skeptical than women that a single mother can do as good a job raising a child as two 
parents can, and men are more likely to say an increase in the number of single mothers is bad for society."

I dont think that means men are sexist and saying that women cant do as good of job as them, but they know their role in the family and that is to provide and protect. 

Appreciate your Fathers and everything they do for you. 

Communication

Communication is key to every relationship. Without good communication any relationship, no matter how in love you feel, is doomed to failure.

Communication isn't only just using words, we are constantly communicating with our body language and facial expressions as well. no matter what words we use, our facial expressions, body language and tone convey another message. If I said "You look great" depending on what my tone of voice and facial expression is, it can be taken as a good thing or something sarcastic.

Just remember that when you say something, people also pay attention to the way you hold your body. You can easily offed someone if you arent careful. pay attention to your words as well, once spoken, you cant take them back.

You are a Daughter of God

This week we talked about a very sensitive subject in class that may be hard for many of you to hear or think about. we talked about a young girl who was molested and sexually abused by her older brother. It may seem hard to fathom, or believe that could really happen. But it does.

The aspect I wanted to talk to you about today was the after effects of sexual abuse in these girls. ( the particular girl we talked about had a happy ending where she was able to move on and forgive her brother). There are many situations where there are underlying effects of this abuse. My teacher talked about how many times these girls are dawn into relationships where similar things happen. I asked him if they consciously do that, or if they subconsciously make that decision. He told me that obviously any girl wouldnt want to be in that type of situation or relationship again. and there are several factors why it happens.

I began thinking myself and come up with my own theory. Do not take this as fact or that its me saying this is why many girls find themselves in sexually abusive relationships. I believe that when these young girls are molested, their view of their body can change. I becomes a less sacred and clean thing. So when men want to take advantage of her body in the future, she has already been desensitized and doesn't view her body as something she should protect cause it has already been corrupted.

I want tell you girls though, just because this has happened to you, doesn't mean your body is any less sacred and should demand as much respect as any other girl. You are a Daughter of God and he loves you.

Re connection, good or bad?

Social Media is a fun and distracting tool. It is very convenient when you have time to kill to just pull out you phone and get on Facebook, Snap-chat or Instagram. We are able to see what people in out lives have been up to, and keep that small connection to our friends even though we cant be with them all of the time. Will all of those benefits, what could the drawbacks be?

Sometimes reconnecting with old friends is not always a good thing. Especially when you are married and are able to reconnect with and old fling. It would be really easy to let that excitement take you somewhere you shouldn't be. Even when you are just taking to them a lot, that takes away from your desire to talk to your spouse and share your day with them.

Even when you confide in your friend more than you do your Spouse, that creates a rift between the two of you. You should always want to talk to your significant other first and foremost. they should be the most important people in your life, your best friend and companion. you should never let the convenience of social media or reconnecting with old friends detract from your marriage.

Sharing is Caring

As I went through this week, I learned some very interesting concepts in my Family Relations class. Mostly I learned how hard marriage can and will be. It isn't all rainbows and butterflies, or happily ever after once you say "I Do". It is a lot of hard work. You are working together to pay the bills, do the housework together and most importantly you are working to stay in love with each other. When you are in a relationship, it is really easy to only look at your own side and say that the other person isn't doing enough to keep the relationship going. When you look at it that way, you make misconceptions about the person you are in love with and other things will build off those simple misunderstandings until it isn't just a small stone between you, it is a boulder. It is very important in these situations to communicate with each-other, from the very beginning. When both of you are talking and discussing ways that you can overcome your problem together, it helps you build more trust and love for each other.

Dont get me wrong, just cause you tell your wife or husband what is bothering you doesn't mean it is magically going to just disappear. it is going to take a lot of humility and work from both of you. you have to be able to work together to solve the problem and then through that work, you will be able to grow closer and understand each other better.

There are so many different transitions that you have to go through when you first get married. such as learning to share everything, you no longer have separate lives. meaning your finances are the same, your living space is the same, your stuff is the same. not only do you have to share all of your stuff, but you have to share your time.

Learn to share and compromise with your partner, and as long as each of you are dedicated to working together, things should be able to work out.

RAM Model

This week I learned a new concept about dating that I had never though of before. It is called the RAM system. This system consists of 5 different parts, Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, and Touch. I thought it was really interesting because I had never used this in my life before and it makes so much sense! It is easy to let someone kiss you right after you figure out that you really like them, but is that what we should do? The RAM model says no.

It is supposed to start with knowing someone, you get to know who they are and what they are like. then you move onto trusting them. Trust is a really important factor on a relationship! But how can you trust someone, if you do not know them first? So after you trust them, you can then rely on them. when you know, trust and can rely on someone, then is when you commit to that person and not before. Finally it is when you are committed to that person that you should let them kiss you , or you should kiss them. Physical part of the relationship is really important, but also you should just kiss every person that comes along and flatters you. The RAM system has to go in that order, it doesn't work backwards. You should Commit to someone if you cant trust or rely on them, that is just dooming you to a bad relationship.

So learn from this, take this into the next relationship you have to avoid falling in love with a jerk and being stuck with them. I bet it will be worth it.

We are Unique

I feel like gender equality is taken way out of proportion sometimes. There are people that want to make men and woman equal, but they are doing it in a way that they are taking away what makes people unique. Men and women are different, we are different physically, emotionally, and mentally. People don't want to believe that but we are.

Many of you may agree with me when I say that female brains are different than male brains. They are different in the way that women tend to always be thinking of 50 things at the same time. We will think of one thing, then that will remind us of something else and then something else, and it goes on and on.  I didn't know the scientific reason for until recently. I learned in my Family Relations class that female brains contain more white matter than men. This white matter is connective tissue that connects one part of our brain to another. The male brain has less connections and less white matter, that is why most guys only focus on one thing at a time. When a guy is playing video games that is all he thinks about, the same with homework, work, or when he is with you. You can know that when he is thinking about you, that is all he is thinking about.

Don't think that one brain is better than the other, there are huge benefits and draw backs to both. For example, when a man has a job as an EMT, he sees so many horrible things. But he is able to get off work and focus on his family and not think about all those terrible things he saw because when he thinks of his family, that's all he thinks about. It would be harder for the brain with more white matter to not make connections back to those events.

 Some people are trying to take the differences of men and women away. But the important thing to remember is that men and woman were designed to work together and with each of our attributes, we are whole. We can do so much more working together because our uniqueness completes one another. I like the example of how women tend to be more vocal with their feelings and how men tend to show their feelings more through actions. With both of those, they can help one another and support each other. That is how it is meant to be.

With all of that said, don't ever limit yourself. Do not ever think that you cant accomplish something because you aren't a man or a woman. You can achieve pretty much anything you set your mind to as long as you are willing to work for it and push yourself.

Social Class and Culture

What do you think of when you think of culture? Is it where someone grew up? Where they live now? How they act? What they do for a living? Do you think that culture is only their level of class?

The truth is all of these play a part in culture, it is not just one thing that contributes solely to someone's culture. We know that culture influences what we want to do in the future.
The thing I think is interesting is that even though people's cultures may differ, people can relate to each other no matter what. Circumstances of how people grew up can be the same even in different cultures and social class.

There are struggles in every family relationship, it doesn't matter what culture you grew up in or what social class you are a part of. There are problems in every culture and social class. There isn't a perfect way place to raise your family.

Some problems that we saw with families that grew up at the bottom of the social class is both parents having to work to support the family, but then the children don't have a relationship with their parents because they are gone so much. There's a lot more acting out and problems because there aren’t solid role models for the children. The parents are always stressed about money and how to provide for the family.

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have the people at the top of the social class. These people are often obsessed with money and always making more, so often both parents work which creates the same problem as the low class. They also don't have relationships with their children, causing their children to also act out. The only difference is that one makes a little more money than the other but they are still both obsessed with money. People in the middle class I feel are bit better off. They are able to have a happy medium of the two. Where the father can work, and provide for the family and the mom can stay home and provide comfort and security in the home. They focus on providing for the family and they don't always just think about money.

I am not saying that in every case it is bad to grow up in the low and high class and perfect in the middle class. The point I was trying to make is that just because someone is considered high class and has a lot of money, doesn’t mean their life is perfect. They can have the same problems as other classes.

I would imagine that the social class I grew up in would have been the low class, my family was always scraping by. But I feel that my living experience was just as good or better than people who grew up in a higher class. I learned all the skills I needed to be successful in life and I didn’t let the idea of being low class stop me from pursuing my dreams. You should never let the idea of social class or culture restrict you from growing and pursuing a better future for yourself and your family. Your only limit is the limit you set for yourself, you can be as strong as you want to be.

Roles of the Family

Being a part of a family is a really neat experience. The thing I find most amazing about a family is how well they function together. Here is all these different people, with different characteristics and personalities living together under one roof. Even more importantly they function as a whole, helping and serving one another.

The reason the family is able to function so well is because each of the members have their own roles to play. In an ideal family the Dad would be there to provide for the family so that the Mom would be able to be home and care for the children. Each of the children have their own individual roles, depending on what the family really needs. It could be to provide comical relief in stressful times, but everyone has their own part to play.

Unfortunately all families are not ideal. For example, I grew up with a single Mom and 8 older siblings. My Mom wasn't able to stay home with us all the time, she had to be the bread winner and keep a roof over our heads. That meant that my older siblings had to take on more of the mothering part of the family, so us younger kids grew up with our mom and also our sisters being the mother. We all pitched in to keep the house clean and to prepare the meals so that food could be on the table when my Mom got home. We were able to work really well and have a wonderful family 

My point is that every family unit is unique. No one family is ideal, but we all function the way we need to because we each play a role to keep it that way. No matter the size or shape of your family, you get what you need. Every family had their own problems, so I'm not saying that every family is perfect. I am saying that it has the potential to be pretty close if everyone does their part and supports one another.

Trends vs. Eternal Families

As a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I have strong belief in the importance of family.

Gods plan for each of his children is a perfect plan. It is perfect because he is a all knowing and perfect being himself. He created this plan and the world for our benefit because he loves us and wants us to progress. We have the capacity to progress into something incredible.

He set guidelines for each of us to follow to that we wouldn't be messed up or tempted more than necessary. Also so that we can gain blessings that God wants to bestow upon us.

Some of these guidelines are not having sexual relations before you are married, not living with someone before you are married and also that we keep our marriage covenants sacred. This means working with your spouse through problems and growing together. These simple tasks can save so much hurt and pain.

As you look at the world today and even in the past, it is fairly easy to see certain trends happening. Such as living together before you are married and having sex outside of marriage. These things lead to even bigger problems such as single parents and a higher chance of divorce.

It has been proven that children with a stable home (married, loving parents) are better off than children who dont. No wonder the world is changing for the worse, all these children are growing up in broken homes. If these children cant grow up in a stable home, how are they expected to be able to create stable homes for their own children.

Of course there are exceptions to every case. Just because someone grew up in a bad home doesnt mean that they will be bad as well and continue the pattern, but it sure doesn't help their changes either.

I know there is a reason God patterned his plan the way he did, it is for our benefit so that the world can be a better place. This plan is to hold the power of creation sacred and marry for time and all eternity So that each of your families can be eternal.

Introduction

Hey Everyone!

Just a quick introduction for the start of my blog! I am Danielle Nielson and I am a marriage and families major studying at BYU-Idaho. I am starting this blog for one of my classes. It is my Family Relations class and I hope to share with you my personal insights on the topics we will be discussing in class! I look forward to giving you a little piece of my heart and I hope that it can help some of you out there!